Cheeku
There are cities of nostalgia and then there are cities of regret. Recently I visited both.
In Cidad de Goa we had taken two rooms-one for Tubby and you and the other one for us. But the two of you would plonk yourself in our room and soon, it would be all in one. Then, Tubby took mom on water scooter ride and remember how you laughed your head off when he dunked her in water and nearly destroyed the water scooter because he wanted to do stunts with it?!
You loved Goa and I know you must have painted it in colours of the rainbow when you went with your friends…And then you recommended I should see ‘Dil Chahta Hai’ because it was so much your story and of your friends…
When I walked the beach, looked at the sun setting into the sea, dark clouds gathering overhead and then a sudden sharp shower-everything filled me with a sense of your presence, your footrprints in the breeze that enveloped me. There wasn’t a moment when I didn’t sense you and I didn’t long for another time when you were there with me. Goa always evokes so much of nostalgia.
Geneva is a city of regret. It is a beautiful city and it has grown over me over the years. I come back here again and again because of UNCTAD, but there is a pull that I feel, specially when I haven’t been here for long that is unrelated to work.
Last time I was here in March 2005 when you were in Cardiff. When I spoke to you from here, you said only if you had known you would have bought a cheap ticket and come and could have been with me. I felt I had missed the chance of showing you the city I loved, but then the next time it would be with you. I would take you to the old town and we would walk the cobbled streets together and look at the house of Calvin and Rousseau and other houses that date back to the 14th century. But most of all I wanted to share with you the plaque on a street corner which says ‘Julius Caesar crossed the river here during his campaigns’. You had grown up hearing your dad quote from Julius Ceasar at the drop of a hat! I promised myself that I will make it happen soon. That May you went away.
I am back in Geneva for the first time since then. I want to pick up the phone and call on your phone in Cardiff. I want to tell you, don’t worry how much it costs. Just hop on to the next flight and come…but I know the person I am trying to call is out of reach…
There will always be two types of cities for me, beta…cities with nostalgia and cities with regret…
I love you and miss you.
Dad